Flick
by Koneko Cain
Summary: KaibaYami fluffy craziness, complete with Kaiba's inner voice and Anzu bashing. Enjoy.


Disclaimer: Don't own it. Big shock there, huh?  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, weird attempt at humour, strange random things happening, mad OOC-ness, more inner voices causing havoc, Anzu bashing...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Idea nicked shamelessly from a doujinshi. I liked the inner voice from my Demon Diary fics, so I thought I'd curse poor Seto with one as well. Yup, weirdness. Enjoy!   
  
'Blah' = Seto's thoughts  
  
/Blah/ = Seto's inner voice (Yes, they are two different things...)  
  
Flick!  
  
"Damn him, damn him, damn him, damn him!! That-that dead bastard!!" Seto Kaiba ranted to himself as he paced about his bedroom, taking a few steps in one direction then abruptly swinging around to the other. He was almost to the point of wearing a hole in the carpet.   
  
"How DARE he?!" The blue-eyed executive snarled, twitching in annoyance and frustration.   
  
"Jeez, it was only a little-" Mokuba began, standing in the doorway to his brother's room, watching Seto, who was now apparently insane, striding about like a maniac.  
  
"That's not the POINT!" Seto almost shrieked, looking nothing short of murderous.   
  
"Riiiight." Mokuba rolled his eyes. "I'm going to hang out with Yugi and Jou, you're freaking me out." That said, Mokuba wandered off, leaving Seto to pace, and rant, and growl, then rant some more.   
  
The whole thing, which for some strange reason Seto had decided to blow all out of proportion, had started after school that day. He'd been walking along, minding his own business and utterly ignoring Yugi's little fan club of idiots, when one of them had called out to him.   
  
"Hey Kaiba, why don't ya pull that damn tree out of your ass and come duel with us?" Jou had offered, grinning as he and his friends all approached and crowded around the poor CEO, giving him no way to leave.  
  
"Touch me and I will have you killed." Seto had said flatly, glaring scarily down at them all. "And get that away from me." He gestured to Yugi, who just blinked his huge, purple eyes up at him blankly. Sometimes it seemed like that kid was all eyes and hair. In class sometimes he would look down when he felt a tug on his coat, and he'd see these two massive purple eyes staring up at him freakily, like an alien or something. They were just too... big. And innocent. What the hell was up with that, anyway? He was a teenage boy, no teenage boy is that innocent. Seto knew that for a fact.  
  
"Lighten up, Kaiba," Anzu said, folding her arms in front of her. Now there was one person he really hoped trespassed on his property one day, so he could set the dogs on her. Did he even have any dogs? He'd have to get some. Or perhaps he could just shoot her; that would be fun too.  
  
"No?" He snarled scarily, just daring her to start up a friendship rant. 'Go on,' he thought, 'make my day.' Instead, though, there was a brief shimmer of displaced air and Yami appeared, looking very much like he'd just woken up.  
  
"What is going on?" He murmured sleepily, yawning. His spiky hair was even messier than usual and his eyes were still half lidded with sleep. All in all he looked... cute. That was a scary, scary thought. At least he wasn't wearing bunny pyjamas. No, thankfully or not he was clad in tight black jeans and a tight black long-sleeved shirt.   
  
"Kaiba's being a jerk." Jou filled him in. Although, Seto mused to himself, all he really wanted was to get away from them and go home, so far all he'd really done was insult them all in his head. And he was entitled to a little inner mocking, damn them all!   
  
"Oh." Yami said, as though this was something not at all surprising. Then, his movements reminding Seto somehow of a sleepy cat, the pharaoh padded up until he was standing right there, directly in front of him.  
  
"Relax," Yami said as he gave a lazily wicked grin and reached up, only to flick the end of Seto's nose. Then, abruptly, he vanished, leaving Seto standing there blinking, in a mild state of shock.  
  
"Okaaaay. Did you give him chocolate again, Yugi? You know what that does to him." Anzu scolded.   
  
"No! Honest, I didn't!" Yugi defended, looking innocent. Then again, it was Yugi, and he always looked innocent.   
  
"Probably just flipped, then." Jou shrugged, then snickered at the look on Seto's face.  
  
"Nr-Rrr-Grr-Argh!!" Seto finally growled in a slightly strangled voice, his eye twitching manically.  
  
"Oh, my. I do believe he's upset," Ryou said in his soft, English accent.  
  
"Well, duh." Jou answered.   
  
"I get the feeling we should probably be somewhere else," Ryou added, watching Seto get angrier and angrier, his eyes glazed with fury and his teeth grinding together. His fists were clenched and he was trembling in rage, looking a lot like he was about to tear one of them to shreds, just because he couldn't get to Yami.  
  
"Good plan," Honda agreed, and they all quietly crept away, leaving Seto to growl incoherently to himself for a good five minutes before his limo driver finally got worried and came up to tap him on the shoulder. Which, of course, resulted in Seto being so wound up that he spun around and glared at the poor man with death in his eyes, just managing to stop himself from throttling the driver.  
  
"Grrr." Seto ground out lowly, looking very dangerous. Then, narrowing his eyes, he stalked over to the limo and got in, slamming the door behind him.  
  
That had been over an hour ago, and he'd been pacing about like a madman ever since. How dare that stupid, annoying, cute, dead bastard do that to him?! And yes, he realized he'd referred to Yami as cute.   
  
/Somebody has a crush!/ His annoyingly accurate inner voice drawled at him in sing-song tones. He was about to attempt to glare death at it for a moment before he realized that, as an inner voice, it had no solid form and thus could not be glared at. Damn it. So, venting his frustration at the fact that it was RIGHT, dammit, he decided to growl at it instead.  
  
'Grrrrrr...' He growled. In his head.  
  
/You're growling at yourself, in your head. Have you any idea how insane that makes you?/ The voice asked.   
  
'Leave me alone.' He sulked, annoyed that it once again was right on the button.   
  
/No? Now why don't we have a chat about your little crush on Yami, hmm?/ The madness buzzing around in his skull suggested in an annoyingly smug voice.  
  
'How about no?' Seto scowled.  
  
/You're scowling at me, and I'm just a figment of your imagination. That's not a good sign, you know./ It mentioned, snickering as Seto growled again.  
  
'Great, so now I'm schizophrenic too, wonderful. Does this mean I'm insane?' He wondered to himself.  
  
/Yup,/ The madness said in an overly happy tone of voice.  
  
'Oh, joy.' The CEO muttered inwardly. 'I have a happy voice in my head.'  
  
/You say that like it's a bad thing,/ The voice snickered. /Now back to your Yami crush, what are you going to do about it?/  
  
'Ignore you and take many cold showers?' Seto suggested, stalking over to sit down on his bed.  
  
/Wrong! You're going to go get him!/ The voice cheered.  
  
'No?'   
  
/Wrong again! You're going to march over there right now and sweep him off his feet, and kiss him in front of all his friends, aren't you?/ The voice prompted.  
  
'Or what?' Seto smirked. It was a voice in his head, what could it possibly do to him?  
  
/Or... this!/ It cackled, and suddenly Seto was plunged headlong into one of the most horrifyingly vivid mental images he'd ever had. He was standing in a park and there were pink cherry blossoms raining down around him. He looked up, and there was the last person he'd ever want to see in his head. Anzu. She was looking up at him with big, watery eyes, and to his complete horror he found himself staring down at her, moving closer as though he were about to kiss her. A second later he snapped awake and found himself sitting on the floor, the blanket he'd been clutching completely torn in half and his scream of terror still echoing through the empty mansion.  
  
'That was.... Inhuman!' He accused, panting slightly, his heart racing in his chest.  
  
/I've got worse. Would you like to see the wedding? Or maybe you'd like a little citrus action to tide you over?/   
  
'NO!!!!' Seto choked, feeling nauseous and dizzy. 'I'll do whatever you want, just anything but that!'   
  
/And you call yourself tough./ The voice snorted. /Doesn't take much to break you, does it? Well, get up! You're going to molest Yami in front of his friends, remember?/   
  
'Bastard.' Seto growled, doing as the voice asked. This was just not fair...  
  
[At the GAME shop.]  
  
"He's lost it." Mokuba explained to Yugi, Yami, Ryou, Jou, Malik and Anzu, sighing.   
  
"Bound to happen sooner or later," Jou shrugged, as though it didn't really matter to him. As a matter of fact, it didn't.   
  
"He's probably in love," Ryou said. "People always act strangely when they're in love with someone. I remember when it happened to Bakura, he stopped killing the neighbours' pets for a whole three days, I thought he was ill."  
  
"I heard that." Bakura grinned creepily, popping up beside Ryou like a demented jack-in-the-box and puling the English boy onto his lap.  
  
"That happened to Marik, too." Malik smirked. "He spent a week being nice to everyone. I was scared." He shuddered at the memory.   
  
"I got over it, though." Marik mentioned, also appearing next to his slightly insane hikari and pulling the smirking bishonen to him.  
  
"So who is Kaiba in love with?" Jou asked, staring around the room. Slightly unexpectedly, Yami raised a hand absently from where he was reading a comic. Everyone stared at him until he lowered the manga and blinked innocently at them.  
  
"What?" He asked, not seeing what the fuss was about.  
  
"I knew it was you." Mokuba stated for the record. "Seto went all weird after you flicked him on the nose. He was pacing about and ranting to himself all day."   
  
"So do you feel the same way?" Ryou asked Yami, who put down his comic and yawned, stretching out on the bed sleepily.  
  
"Mm-hmm." Yami nodded, resting his head on his folded arms, looking a lot like a leather-clad pin-up.   
  
"So why haven't you told him yet?" Malik asked, twitching as Marik tickled him.  
  
Yami shrugged.  
  
"I just want to see him snap." The puzzle spirit grinned lazily. "It's fun."   
  
"That's cruel!" Anzu insisted, frowning.  
  
"Yup." Yami agreed amiably, closing his eyes. "It's very cruel."  
  
"I like it," Bakura and Marik both grinned, while Ryou and Malik rolled their eyes. Yugi just sat there and watched, blinking his huge, enormous, massive, gigantic purple eyes at everything.  
  
"Why aren't you telling him how you feel?" Anzu demanded. Yami cracked one sleepy eye open and yawned, then rolled over onto his back and grinned, his arms crossed behind his head and one leg bent, looking even more like a pin-up.   
  
"Because I'm measuring how much he loves me by how insane I can make him." He shrugged. "It's something to do."  
  
"You're about to find out how crazy you've driven him, he's at the door and Grandpa just let him in." Yugi mentioned, turning away from the window to watch as Bakura and Marik grabbed Anzu and stuffed her under the bed, hands over her mouth.  
  
"She'll ruin all the fun," Bakura grinned evilly, ignoring the muffled protests coming from the spider-inhabited darkness under Yugi's bed.  
  
"Time to try and look innocent," Yami smirked, looking anything BUT innocent.  
  
[Back with Kaiba...]  
  
"Come in, come in." Yugi's grandpa smiled, ushering Seto inside and pointing up the stairs. "Yugi's right upstairs, go on up." He told the young CEO, then tottered off back to the front of the shop.   
  
/Shouldn't he hate you or something?/ The voice wondered as Seto stared after the old man.  
  
'Why?'   
  
/Remember the whole ripping up the Blue-Eyes thing? And you put him in the hospital, that was also naughty./ The voice snickered.  
  
'Oh, right. He's probably senile, he probably just forgot. Anyway, I don't care.' And that ended that topic of conversation. So, on to more interesting subjects.  
  
/Go up the stairs, then./ The voice prompted.  
  
'I don't want to.' Seto stood where he was, refusing to move and staring coldly at the stairs in front of him.  
  
/What was that? You'd like to see what Anzu would look like naked?/   
  
'No, I said I'm not going up there, damn you!' Seto snapped, folding his arms and scowling.  
  
/Hmm? Did you say naked and pregnant?/ The voice asked innocently.  
  
'Argh! Gods no! Ok, ok, I'm going!' Seto whimpered, beginning his trek up the stairs and trying not to think about... anything.  
  
/Good boy. Here, you get a reward./ The voice snickered, then Seto was hit with a very x-rated mental image of Yami doing very bad things with an ice cube. Seto shivered slightly, sending a mental glare at his pet voice for getting him worked up before he opened the door to Yugi's room.   
  
'Why do they ALL have to be here to watch me humiliate myself??' Seto wondered, standing in the doorway and glaring silently at everyone in the crowded room, and Jou twice because he looked like he was about to say something. 'At least Anzu isn't here...' He sighed in relief, not noticing that Marik was kicking something under the bed, which was making angry noises at him. Ryou and Malik had been strategically placed in front of the bed so that Seto wouldn't see what was wriggling about underneath it, trying to escape.  
  
And then there was Yami, lying sprawled on the bed elegantly like the poster boy for bad thoughts and leather.   
  
"Seto," Yami purred in greeting, his eyes half-lidded as he stared up at the CEO, who had completely forgotten how to speak.  
  
/Weeeeell?/ The voice spurred him on mockingly. /Do you need a little more naked Anzu to kick-start your pathetic hormonal teenage body, or do you think you can manage on your own?/   
  
Seto made an incoherent strangled whimpering noise to the voice, then took a few steps forward, scowling angrily. He reached down with a look of determination on his face and grabbed Yami by the front of his sleeveless black shirt, lifting him up until he was kneeling on the bed, Seto staring down at him with burning blue eyes.   
  
Yami, being Yami, just smirked and ran his tongue deliberately slowly over his soft lips, trying his best to look like he had no idea what Seto wanted.  
  
"Did you want something?" The spirit asked in a slightly husky voice, trying very, very hard to keep the raw lust out of his voice. Seto glared at him, growling in the back of his throat.  
  
/Ok, bored now. Kiss him already, this is really long and drawn out and pathetic and I think Anzu might be suffocating under the bed./ The voice prodded, cheering when Seto leant down and crushed his lips to Yami's fiercely.  
  
'Happy now?!' Seto mentally growled, letting Yami go after he decided that breathing would be a really, really good idea to stop him from dying. Or something.  
  
/Yup, you go, bishonen!/ The voice giggled madly.  
  
To Seto's slight annoyance, Yami was chuckling that evil, deep laugh he tended to do when he'd outsmarted someone.  
  
"What?" Seto scowled at him, his eye twitching.  
  
"Nothing, I was just wondering how long it would take you to do that."   
  
"You... you KNEW?!" Seto almost shrieked.  
  
"Hmm." Yami drawled sleepily, rolling back over and closing his eyes. "Mokuba told me, but I knew before that."   
  
Seto spared a weak glare for his brother, who was sat with Yugi watching them and giggling.   
  
Finally giving up, Seto gave a helpless whimper and slid down to sit on the floor next to the bed, glaring at Yami.  
  
"You drive me crazy, you know." He muttered.  
  
Yami just gave a knowing smirk and reached out to flick his nose again.  
  
"I know."  
  
The End  
  
That was strange and pointless! Okies, off to raid the kitchen for something to eat. 


End file.
